all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
