So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
