he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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