I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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