he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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