it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
