I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
