I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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