pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
