Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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