just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
