why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
COCAINE IS GR8
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