Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
