Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
