she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He? As in you personified your dick?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
