You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
