I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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