dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
