we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
