i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
