I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
