Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
