So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
