The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
