shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
