She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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