Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
