remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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