I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
