how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
