We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
