So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
