I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
