I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
