Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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