I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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