Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
