Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
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