If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
