Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
