I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
