I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
