One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
