And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
