Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My cat gives me a boner
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
