the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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