I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Couch. On fire.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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