I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
