goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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