Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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