listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
