Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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