She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
high people should be assigned attendants
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
