I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
