This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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