and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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