I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
