I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
