that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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