I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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