my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My vagina is officially offended.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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