I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
