on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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