Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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