I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
