"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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