If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
