I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
