Duck Duck Cougar?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
