So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
