I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
