im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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