A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
