am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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